Wickedly

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a Wicked Witch of Oz?...


To my dear sister, the Wicked Witch of the West,

I’ve been evading falling houses since that accident with the tornado spell last spring. A cow fell on me and It’s put a bit of a dent in my walk I’m afraid. I can hardly ride my broomstick straight anymore! I was very happy to receive your letter though. Adjusting to a new place can be tough -- poisoning all the new apples, terrorizing the village locals, sacrificing a virgin munchkin here and there. It really puts quite a strain on your back! I’ve been very busy with my new shift at Emerald City. I can’t seem to find the time to write spells or curses anymore, which is horrendous since I used to major in scroll-writing and enchantments. I thank you for the polymorph potion. I haven’t had a good draught of that since I was a little witch in school!

I’m glad to know that Witching School is going well for you. I hear you’re taking thaumaturgy, eh? I know you can handle it. Have you gotten into chopping up any corpses yet? That’s always been something I’ve wanted to do, getting to know humans from the “inside.” I’ve always wanted to feel a human brain pulsating from the meninges... but that’s a story for later, and I bet you’re still busy from trying to find a heart for that tin experiment you’ve been working on.

It’s great that you’ve met Mr. E. Wizard. He used to be my bench-mate at WWU (Witches and Wizards University). We used to collect bat wings and make hell potions together, but he was always full of hot air and wild fantastical stories. I haven’t seen him in ages!

As for me, I’m holding up well. Emerald City is all I’ve imagined it to be, but it’s a bit hard sometimes to find the time to do the things you love to do, like writing new hexes under the full night moon, or taking a lonely flying monkey out for a stroll. Though I’m in the city now, I find that I spend most of my time in the Enchanted Forest, collecting plants and mushrooms to throw in my tiny little cauldron. I haven’t made as many friends as I thought I would, but I know of this one wizard who likes to copy down spells from the Ancients Wing of the Library, and I hear that the Witch of the South is studying mythological animals in a cave not too far off mine. I may just visit her to borrow a cup of dragon’s blood and sugar one day. Who knows? Maybe we’ll even rent a tower out together.

Overall life can be a bit tough in the Emerald City, but I like it. I never have to worry about finding something to match my green skin anymore. Do you remember how hard that used to be? Sometimes when I’m tired and groggy and have finished making all my potions for the day, I sit down and think about my old life in Munchkin Land and all the wonderful things I used to do there. I don’t think I really appreciated it at the time, but all the things I needed were there -- my hazelwood broomstick, my dungeon made of yellow bricks, the half-pint subservients, and even a personal army of crows I started from scratch! Then, of course, there was you: my dear wicked sister, to come home to and cook villagers with. It’s different down here in Emerald City. You get bored from looking at green gemstones all day, and you’ll eventually have to get sunglasses to protect yourself from the glare of all the bright inhabitants! I’ll probably never get a full night’s sleep here from all the terrorizing they have me doing, but thankfully, the city never sleeps itself. The Emerald library is brimming with young witches, wizards, and other late-nighters like myself, and at least I don’t feel the boredom anymore of being an overworked witch in an understaffed province of the country.

I’m currently studying advanced potions making and magical alterations, which seem to go hand in hand. I’m taking a global enchantments course too, which is interesting because now they have us summoning large tornados and hurricanes. Who knows how good I’ll get at it? I may get powerful enough to lift a house one day. Do tell me about your life in Munchkin Land. I’m so grateful that you’ve decided to take over my shift. I’m beginning to miss the place more and more each day. I think of it now as the kind of place a witch would like to grow old and die in one day... but, enough talk about that. Write back to me, and come visit your lonely wicked old sister in the city.


Missing you wickedly,

The Wicked Witch of the East